Handfasting
Handfasting is a Celtic and pagan wedding tradition that involves the literal binding of the hands of the bride and groom to symbolize the love bond between them. Charlie is pagan, and we are both of Irish descent, so the idea of a handfasting was on the table from the beginning. We were a little wary about doing something like this in front of our families, though, so Sarah did some research and found out that a handfasting was originally meant to last only a year and a day, after which the bride and groom would decide whether or not to make the commitment for life. With this in mind, we have decided to have a handfasting as close as possible to a year and a day before our wedding ceremony to honor Charlie's religious beliefs and our heritage and to commemorate the beginning of the final year of our very long engagement.
Our Theme
Sarah and Charlie are both made up of mixed Western European descent, with several countries between them, but both feel a particular resonance with their Irish heritage. The history of the Irish is a difficult one, both in the old country and in the United States, but mixed with great joy. These themes of celebration mixed with loss, good spirits and good times with a hint of melancholy, run through Irish culture. Irish ballads in particular are heavily invested in the themes of parting from loved ones, love lasting across great distance, and a longing for home - themes that resonate for us. Our relationship, long distance as it is, has been a series of partings and homecomings, and our wedding will be the final homecoming. The theme of this handfasting, then, is keeping love strong despite separation.
The Location: Lake Placid, NY
Sarah and Charlie both feel a particular connection to the Adirondacks, particularly the mountains surrounding the small village of Lake Placid, NY. They first said "I love you" to each other on their first trip to Lake Placid, and during the seven months that Charlie lived there between 2006 and 2007, both cherished the times they spent there together. The drive along Route 73 from the Northway (87) to the village is one of the most beautiful roads in the country, and Sarah has remarked that every bend in the road makes her think of Charlie, because of all the times she's driven it in anticipation of seeing him or with a heavy heart after leaving. This area is so special that we considered having our wedding here, but we don't want to make things difficult for our guests. Therefore, it seems like the perfect place for our handfasting.
This hidden mountain lake in the Lake Placid area is one of the most beautiful places that Sarah remembers visiting on a hike, and she is pulling for this as a location. She and Charlie will be heading up to scout locations this June.
The Ceremony
A typical handfasting involves a few elements. First, a circle is cast by speaking about the four cardinal directions, i.e. north, south, east, and west, and the four elements, i.e. earth, water, air, and fire. After a brief introduction, there is room for songs or readings, and then the bride and groom speak their marriage vows. After this, their hands are bound together using cords of colors that are important to them, and the ceremony is over.
We're planning on writing our ceremony, and when we do, we will post it here, because we would like this bio to be at least partly a resource for those who are interested in handfastings. Since we are not going to be combining our handfasting with a legal wedding ceremony in front of our families, we have some freedom with it, and we are going to use it.
The handfasting cords pictured here are just an example of what one might use, and we are going to make our own. There are lots of different ideas for possible color meanings and correspondences, and Charlie will have to help out with this, since Sarah is not pagan at all. More DIY info on handfasting items will come when we get closer to the date.
Music
My best friend, who is a high school choir teacher and professionally trained singer, is going to come along for our handfasting, and I'm working on collecting some ballads that fit our theme that she can sing. So far, I've found two, and we may pick one or both, and arrange them for her to sing a capella, and maybe for me to add a little alto here and there on the chorus, if I'm up for it. Both of these choices are more contemporary ballads that speak to lovers parting. "Lift the Wings" is one of the most beautiful pieces from Riverdance, and "Lover's Heart" is about a soldier saying goodbye to his love before sailing away.
You can listen to these two songs with the YouTube videos below, if you'd like. The cover of "Lift the Wings" isn't my favorite, but you can get an idea of the lyrics. I think it sounds better in a slightly lower key.
Loving Cup / Anam Cara
The Loving Cup Ceremony involves the bride and groom drinking to the past, present, and future of their love. It is a Celtic tradition that will almost certainly be a part of our handfasting. "Anam cara" is Celtic for "soul friend."
Sarah picked up this green goblet at a Renaissance Fair to serve as our loving cup.
Here's some text for a Loving Cup Ceremony that we will probably use:
BRIDE/GROOM:
Today I recognize you, my anam cara
And ask that you become a part of me, in sacred kinship.
With you I will share my innermost self, my mind and my heart.
With you, I have lost all fear and have found the greatest courage.
I have learned to love and to let myself be loved.
With you, I have found a rhythm of grace and gracefulness.
Love has reawakened in my life; a rebirth; a new beginning.
With you my anam cara,
I am understood,
I am home.
OFFICIANT:
And now, please drink to the love you've shared in the past. (They drink.)
Drink to your love in the present, on this the day of your handfasting. (They drink.)
And drink to your love in the future and forevermore. (They drink.)
